Monday, October 13, 2008

New Barbie is a Douche

When The Boss Man started looking for a new foreign teacher to replace me, I advised him that he really ought to let me speak to them. I promised that I'd say only nice things about Barbie Hawgon, that I'd had a fabulous experience, and I'd be happy to do what I could to encourage the new recruit that Barbie Hagwon was the place to be. I am worried that The Boss Man started recruiting a month too late and will end up having to go a full month without a native English speaker on staff. This would be terrible for his business. Were The Boss Man a bad boss, I wouldn't give a flying fuck about his business, but he's been pretty awesome. I wish Barbie Hagwon nothing but the best. Unfortunately, my good intentions occasionally blow up in my face. Like that time that I offered to speak to New Barbie? Kaboom!

When the day came to ring New Barbie up, I woke up about three hours earlier than I ordinarly do. The Plan was to give him an honest assessment of my experience at Barbie Hagwon. If my overall assessment wasn't Totally Fucking Awesome, then I wouldn't have volunteered to make the phone call in the first place; I would never encourage somebody to come half way across the world for Something Awful.

That's what recruiters do.

New Barbie has about five hundred questions, but seems like an alright guy, so I humour every last one of them and end up on the phone for well over an hour. I detail my awesome working schedule, my awesome apartment, and my awesome coworkers. I own up to the one or two things that are slightly less than awesome: I have to commute to work and don't live on the beach. New Barbie concludes the call by telling me that aside from the commute, it sounds like a pretty good deal, but that he has to consider his other options before rendering a decision. I tell him that I would do the same and wish him luck.

Cue Monday afternoon.

The Boss Man calls me over on my break to speak to me about something or other. He sounds none too pleased, and comes over to the main table where I am, clutching a piece of paper. The Boss puts it down and says that it's an email from the recruiter. Apparently the recruiter was less than satisifed with my sales pitch, after New Barbie apparently told him that I passed along the following information:

1) I work 8-9 hour days

2) I live beside a brothel.

Given the apparently shitty circumstances surrounding my living, New Barbie said that he'd consider the position if they offered him more money.

Aghast. I was fucking aghast. I spent an hour talking to his guy about my life at Barbie Hagwon, talking it up without being unrealistic or dishonest, and in thanks he blatently lies to the recruiter in order to leverage for more money? Seriously?! He couldn't have just used the falling won as leverage for that?

What. A. Douche.

Thankfully The Boss Man believed that I didn't actually say those things, probably on account of 1) my reaction and 2) those things are too fucking absurd for somebody in my situation to even have imagined. If I didn't have an awesome boss and he believed that I had tried to sabotage him ... well, let's just say that I haven't received my bonus or final pay yet, and those aren't things I was planning on fighting for. And they aren't things that I will have to fight for.

But New Barbie didn't know that.

Douchebag.

I kind of hope that he takes the job and gets here in time for me to punch him in the face before I leave.

That is all.






Edited to add:

Having sat on this for an hour, I suppose that it's possible that it's the recruiter who is the douche, and not New Barbie. After all, recruiters are Professional Liars.

Either way, douche is in the air.

1 comment:

tharp42 said...

Hahahaha.


Whaddaya do?