Monday, November 24, 2008

Canada Land: Not a Dime Store Hooker.

Canada Land is not nearly as cheap as I am.

I went out on the town last night. Given that "out on the town" here means "select one of half of a dozen bars within a two block radius and hope that the total wankers went across the street instead, purchase over priced beverage, and wonder why the lights have turned on and the closing bell is ringing before you're finished your third", this experience tends to be every bit as lame as one might expect. Thankfully, I had the forsight to surround myself with awesome people, which made up for the total lameness that was everything else. Almost.

First, there was the taxi. The last bus goes by here shortly after 10pm, after which point I'm left with a 15 dollar taxi ride or hour walk. It should probably only take about 40 minutes, but I get distracted by shiny things and move slowly. This is similar to the walk between Minam and PNU of the last year, which I usually passed on in favour of a 4 dollar taxi. A 4 dollar silent taxi ride. Cheap and quiet. What's not to love? Here I pay 15 dollars to entertain my bored taxi driver for 10 minutes. They really ought to pay me.

Second, there were the drinks. For some inexplicable reason, I thought that Strongbow was a good choice of drink. I used to think this. It seems that I was incorrect. Yet, in all my incorrectness, it had never crossed my mind that Strongbow would be even more delicious if served over ice with a lime. Possibly because that would be retarded. And it was, when my poor choice of drink was served to me in this manner at Pretentious Uppity Bar Saturday evening. My poor choice of beverage, served to me in retarded fashion, cost 7 bucks a pop. In the end, I paid 14 dollars to make the same bad choice twice, because making terrible decisions twice is apparently what I do.

All in all, a 30 dollar evening that ends before 2am, without a decent buzz does not a happy Barbie make.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Come On, Bra. Really?

I went bra shopping in Korea exactly once. Sort of. When I was still a young pup, fresh off the plane and all, my coworker brought me to some underwear shop in Nampodong. Here, Random Ajumma measured me, roughly, over my sweater, in order to determine my Korean bra size. She then informed my coworker that there was one store in Seomyeon which carried my size, should I wish to drop 80 dollars on a bra purchase. Hence, the first time that I considered buying a bra while in Korea was my last.

The majority of bras in Korea, so far as I saw, were of the AA-A Cup/2 lbs of padding variety. They also seemed to have a lot of bows on them. A whole lotta bows. It really is just as well that I couldn't fit into that shit. Thank goodness I had the foresight to bring more than half a dozen bras with me. I can wait until I get back to Canada Land to restock, I thought to myself.

Not as easily as originally thought.

Just a few hours ago I found myself in Bra Hell, Canada Style. Where Canada Style looks a whole lot like Korea Style, with fewer bows and a variety of cup sizes. For some inexplicable reason, bras of all sizes come ready to disguise your breasts as torpedoes and push them up to your neck. In fact, should you wish you find a bra that does otherwise, you'd best not shop at Random Cheap Bra Outlet, where bras of the non-torpedo persuasion are clearly outlawed.

Did I miss the memo that declared neck cleavage hot?

I just don't know.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Taste Buds, You've Changed.

My last couple of weeks in Korea Land were so stressful (and possibly drunk) that I more or less forgot that this section of the internet existed. A few days in Canada Land, the boredom set in, and I remembered blogspot! I'll be returning to Korea Land in 5-6 weeks. In hindsight, this was probably too long of a gap. Hanging with folks from home? Awesome. Temporary work placements? Snow? Understanding just how stupid the people surrdounding you in line at the supermarket are? Something significantly less than awesome. More tragically, even the food in Canada has been less awesome than anticipated.

As I had promised myself, within a day of landing I had sucked back a couple bowls of Tim Horton's chicken noodle soup, devoured an Arby's roastbeef sandwich, and struggled to finish a chicken caesar pita with extra meat. Aside from the chicken noodle soup, everything seems to have lost it's luster. Everything is... bland. Blah. This is grossly dissapointing.

That's really all I've got for now. Food is pretty much the second most awesome thing ever, so when it's not as good as expected, great dissapointment and bitchiness ensues.

I need a nap.