It is common for Korean students at hagwons to adopt English nicknames. There may be several really fantastic reasons for this, but so far I’ve uncovered just two. First of all, every single one of my Korean co teachers has told me that they adopt English nicknames so that the foreign teacher has an easier time learning the student’s names. I’ve always thought this was a terrible reason, as it discourages us from learning the student’s real names; while I don’t necessarily link names to identities, I do consider them important. It also effectively eliminates what would otherwise be an excellent chance to improve our Korean. Korean names are, to simplify, composed of Korean sounds. Being forced to verbalize them on a daily basis would improve both our accent and our ear for the language. It’s from this frustration that I’ve deduced a second reason for the adoption of English nicknames: English nicknames are composed of English sounds. Any venture that requires English students to practice English sounds is a worthy one. Even if it results in unintentional hilarity that really ought to be embarrassing for everybody involved.
It’s not uncommon for the students, or their Korean English Teacher, to select an English nickname that nobody in the English speaking world would ever assign to a human being. For example, just the other day one of my students stopped short of begging me to switch his nickname from “Howard” to “Genesis”. I looked at him quizzically and asked, “The beginning of what, exactly?” Howard Student looked confused. After explaining to him what his desired name meant, he agreed that this was less than awesome. As further illustration, one of my students has been assigned the name Gate. Apparently his mother insisted that he be named after Bill Gates and somebody dropped the ball on either naming him “Bill” or “Gates”. While even “Gates” would be adequately stupid to suffice a mention here, seriously: why drop the “s”? Now, instead of carrying the name of a millionaire dweeb, he’s represented by the word for a movable barrier which covers an opening. We may as well just rename him Hymen.
It’s also not unheard of for the students, or their Korean English teacher, to select an English nickname that nobody in the English speaking world would assign to another human being. That is to say, that they may select the name of an individual who happens to be infamous rather than famous. And this unfortunate hopefully-not-a-growing-trend brings us to what I intend to be a weekly supplement, but probably won’t on account of Total Laziness: Student Name of The Week. I informally polled a number of my friends, and while I should probably save the best for last, I simply can’t sleep another night knowing that I’m withholding this level of Absolute Awesome from the world. Of course, by "the world", I mean the 5 of you who actually read this far. So, without further adieu, I share with you the best English nickname ever; and by "best", I do mean worst: R. Kelly Student.
No, seriously.
R. Kelly Student.
Yeah, that R. Kelly.
Take a few moments to digest that, if need be. It really doesn’t get any better. There is absolutely no reasonable explanation for this. Somewhere along the line, somebody dropped the ball. Huge. And the end result is that some prepubescent kid in Korea has named himself after a suspected pedophile. Yes, R. Kelly was recently acquitted on all counts of diddling. That doesn’t make this okay.
Thankfully, R. Kelly Student is not one of my own. If he were, I would spend my days in class with him wondering if he had any idea that R. Kelly was suspected of diddling. It would dawn on me that perhaps the kid knew and thought he was pulling a hilarious prank. Or worse, he knew and felt that R. Kelly was a real man’s man; a role model, even. Here, I start to feel queasy. But it gets worse. Much worse. I realize eventually that it’s quite likely that neither the student nor his Korean Teachers have any idea that R. Kelly is a suspected diddler; that R. Kelly Student simply fell in love with the “music” of R. Kelly and decided to honour his idol. The idea that somebody might feel that moved by R. Kelly’s “musical works” might actually be more upsetting than the possibility that we have a future diddler on our hands.
When I get to about this point in this line of thought, I start to convulse and try to forget that this ever happened.
But it did.
5 comments:
I've taught a Dumbo and a Skeletor.
suspected pedophile means the government suspects him of molesting a child. since the government now says he didn't molest the child, he's not a suspected pedophile.
even though he did molest the girl and pee on her (if Dave Chapell does a skit on it,\...), you can't call him a suspected pedophile. either he is or he isn't.
also: why make the kid change his chosen name? I mean, what are you gonna tell him? "hey, that's the name of a pedophile? ... what's a pedophile? ..."
zenkimchi - Thanks for the name contributions! Dumbo... and Skeletor.
Fantastic.
squattypoop - R. Kelly, is that you? Seriously, here's the deal: when R. Kelly Student named himself, the government suspected him of being a pedophile. The fact that he's been acquitted in the past few weeks does absolutely nothing to change this. It also does nothing to change the fact that, fair or not, for the rest of his life, some people will suspect him of pedophilia.
Personally, I have no opinion on the matter, as I haven't reviewed his case; this is also not the point.
As for why I would propose a name change... well, I wouldn't want children in Spanish class sporting names of infamous Spaniards. As for how to explain it, were he my student, it would probably go something like the conversation I had the day I learned that my students were wearing rape whistles...it was a little disturbing, but that post is for another day.
OK. I've started reading your blog so if your calculations were correct, this brings it to five. Tipping point. I spent years as a peace corps volunteer (long ago) so the creepiness and weirdness of cultural stuff brings a lot back. I'd say that go with your instincts. Stay away from creepy.
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