Barbie Steals Free Hugs

My Christmas Even 2007 "celebrations" are best appreciated if you keep in mind that it's been a rather lonely few days. That's not to say that Barbie has any reason to be lonely, exactly. I am constantly surrounded by people here; whether I like it or not. When I need people to go drink with, I can find people to drink with. When I need to grab a meal, I can find somebody who will get some grub with me. If I need a lay, I could probably find that too. When I want everybody to fuck off and die, I go to the only place that I don't find people: my apartment. No, I'm not lacking in things or people to do. I'm just overwhelmed by the sense that nothing that really matters to me is here. Miss Independence is fully getting her pout-on over having missed Christmas with her family and friends. The result of this was that I felt compelled to keep myself busy doing crazy shit in the vain hope that I could distract myself for long enough to make it through the holidays without tears.

To start off, the plans that I had made to have Christmas in Busan appeared to be falling through in a serious way. A friend of mine in Busan, whom I shall refer to as The Golden Drunk, wasn't able to promise her attendance at the event. As I faced the prospect of getting ditched on Christmas in Busan, I hopped on the first train to Daegu after work on Christmas Eve. The plan was to meet up with a few friends in Daegu, get drunk off my ass, and try to keep the holiday blues away by keeping things Random and Ridiculous. There was no solid plan on when exactly I would leave Daegu or where the Hell I would stay when there; merely the obligation to be in Busan in time for my 3:50pm class on Boxing Day. No good could possibly come of this.

I'll spare you 37 detailed paragraphs on Tuesday night, if only because Christmas Eve 2007 will never be anything more than a ridiculous blur to me. I absolutely drank my face off. Somehow. I don't remember there be any more than 8 drinks, so I'm confused as to how this happened. But it happened. Some of the things that may or may have not actually occurred would include:

1) Nobody seemed to be able to verify that the subway station would be open the next day. Forgetting for a moment that Korea totally hates Jesus, I humoured the ridiculous possibility that perhaps the subway would close on Christmas. The result was that for the entire night I had to carry around a fucking portable computer bag which contained clean underwear, toothpaste, and other personal essentials. Awesome.

2) There was an Ugly Sweater Contest going on at some bar that we weren't actually at. Upon learning this, for some reason I got really excited at the prospect of ugly sweaters and began insisting that we hop bars in search of them. My goal was to obtain one of these ugly sweaters. The idea was to get one without having to sleep with anybody for it, but somehow nobody really believed me.

3) A friend of somebody whom I used to work with happens to be in Daegu. I ran into him as the first bar after randomly hearing somebody call out "Peterborough!" as I walked by his table. So, my Christmas wasn't entirely lacking in The Peterborough. This makes for the second Peterborough-ite that I've stumbled across in Daegu. Apparently Peterborough blows so hard that we end up on the other side of the world.

4) Somehow we ended up hopping to a third bar. I'm not sure what prompted this, or how we got there. I certainly don't remember there being any ugly sweaters there to lure me. All I know is that there are random photos taken in between bars of me putting my legs in the air and mounting things, and there are photos of my friends touching random cars and looking like they're ready for a little anal action. It's an absolute mystery to me how any of this happened. I merely know that I should not be allowed outdoors without my brain on, because these things seem to happen.

5) A friend of mine in Daegu, whom I shall refer to as Free Hugger, decided there was no time like the present at Old School for the group of us to do a round of tequila shots. Normally, I am the Fucking Tequila Queen. Tequila and Frat Boys are one in the same to me: I have infinite amounts of fun with both and can't seem to keep off of either, but neither is a particularly fantastic idea. This time was no different. That tequila hit me like a rock and I had the spins for the next 20 minutes. The result of this was that we had to spend those 20 minutes hanging out with these guys who completely, and totally sucked. They sucked so hard that Free Hugger felt the need to text me from across the table with: "dude, these guys suck!!!" Thanks for the memo, Free Hugger. I totally hadn't noticed.

When it finally comes time that I feel I can get up without immediately falling over, I begin gathering my belongings and explain that we can leave now. Free Hugger explains that it actually might be best if we chill for another 5 minutes or so, because he just threw up in the bathroom and needs a moment. Naturally, I then laugh in his face, as this totally makes me feel like less of a drunk asshole for having kept them at the bar with The Guys That Suck. Free Hugger manages to redeem himself a few minutes later by getting rid of The Guys That Suck. Of course,I get an assist here, since Free Hugger used me and my drunken stupor as our excuse for why we couldn't hop to the next bar with them.

6) I've determined that I need to be kept far, far away from phones when I'm drinking. When I first started drinking in Korea, I would regularly make drunk calls home from public pay phones. This never turned out well. Now that I have a cell phone, I apparently think that it's totally okay to text in search of inappropriate activities at ungodly times in the morning. In other words, I apparently thought that Christmas Eve was a really good time to try to work out a booty call. Note to self: when drunk, hide the cell phone. Or don't. While my idiocy is occasionally embarrassing, I'm told that other people find it greatly entertaining.

7) We decided to conclude the evening by eating at some Korean Restaurant that my friend, whom shall be referred to as SGTF (She's Got The Fever), seems to drag me to every time that I drink with her. Frankly, I prefer McDonald's drunk. The things that I do for other people. Tsk. Regardless, on the way to said restaurant, SGTF finds a sign in the middle of the road that reads: "Free Hugs!" You see, for some reason which is completely beyond me, random Koreans like to sometimes go out in public with these signs. Probably because they don't touch each other nearly enough. My response to being advised of this was to pick it up, proudly wave it around, and carry it to the restaurant with us. I would have happily carried it all the way back to Busan, but Free Hugger seemed really keen on bringing it to his Christmas Day party. It being Christmas and all, and my being so fucking fantastic, I decide to let him have it.

And that? More or less concludes Christmas Eve 2007. Totally unfortunate, I know.