Tuesday, June 30, 2009

This is Why I Don't Learn More Korean

Hey, Korea. It's been a while since we sparred. I've either become soft or have just completely lost interest in bitching about you. The latter is most probable. I'm not gonna lie, you sort of bore me. Even the following is not about you. Sure, you've been around for these happenings, but I regret to inform you that you cannot be held responsible. Believe me, I would throw you a bone if I could, but this simply isn't about you. Maybe next time. Don't hold your breath.

Not only is my new building much cleaner, bigger, and generally more fantastic than the old one, but it has twice as many elevators. Twice as many elevators! It's like a castle, without any of the nice stuff that makes a castle a castle. Of course, with twice as many elevators, comes twice as many people who don't quite understand how elevators work.

Every other day or so as I am waiting for the elevator, somebody comes up beside me and pushes the button several times. Perhaps they think that I haven't bothered to push it yet and am just standing there like an idiot because that's how I like to spend my time. In this case, the illuminated red light that clearly indicates that I have pushed the button to call for the elevator is just a product of my imagination. The other, more plausible scenario, is that some people actually think that pushing the button multiple times will speed up the elevator and get them where they need to be faster. This is too stupid for me to speculate on any further (though I'm certain you can find such a rant elsewhere).

When I am forced to witness this brand of stupidity in Canada Land, I struggle to get through the situation without bringing attention to the absurdity of the perpetrators actions. It's only natural that my first response to seeing it here is to come up with a list of snide phrases on my walk to work that I absolutely must get one of my friends to translate into Korean for me. Unfortunately, by the time I get to work I've talked myself out of learning Korean for the sake of being an ass. While at work, I like to feign that I'm a good person.

There's little sense in blowing my cover just so that I can insult people more effectively.

23 comments:

adamgn said...

This is great... :)

Anonymous said...

Maybe you don't bitch because you are no longer living in a cesspool. How hard was that to figure out?

I just love the irony that you actually use your own time writing an admittedly vapid blog to crow about the pointless behavior of other people.

I am, therefore I think. said...

Make that, "...how your behavior and attitude AFFECT your students..."

I am, therefore I think. said...

Why are all your blogs so darn depressing and negative? You seem fairly intelligent, but your intelligence gets lost in the negative vibes that emanate from your blog entries. I simply wonder how your behavior and attitude your students and the quality of lessons they get from you.

ZenKimchi said...

My elevator annoyance is that I head to the elevator on my floor to find all of them racing down to the basement level because a quite mature thoughtful person decided to push all the buttons to see which elevator would go down there first.

Roboseyo said...

I Am: this is a blog. Maybe all the negativity goes here, so that she can be ceaselessly positive, friendly, and diplomatic in real life, where words have more consequences.


This topic has been discussed at length elsewhere.

Mrs. Kim said...

I find this blog quite entertaining. What a stupid connection to make, between the tone of someone's blog posts and how she is IRL or as a teacher.

Anonymous said...

Since first finding this blog by mistake I have found myself addicted to seeing just how pointless it gets. It is amazing how little seems to happen in her life if this what is broadcast to the world. I understand that I am not the intended audience, but who is?

karl said...

||I just love the irony that you actually use your own time writing an admittedly vapid blog to crow about the pointless behavior of other people.||

I love the irony you use your own time to read and comment on it.

Barbs, you've got the highest tard count. Way way beyond Brian. Next klog awards I think there should e one for you.

Elevator behavior in Korea is a whole new world from a Western POV. First, there's the notion that loading/unloading an elevator is most efficient if done simultaneously. People on need to all charge for the door and people waiting all need to push their way in. Because I guess, if you're on the elevator last you don't get a seat? I dunno the thinking.

And if you're first on the elevator, don't move to the back. No. Stop dead one pace into the elevator. Because you're first on, you should by the doors first and get off first. (In Korea it's not uncommon if you're even a minute late for work you're docked a whole day's pay.)

And then there's the rule that when you're in the elevator, you can stare UP and DOWN the whitey. If you're with friends and she's a white woman, you can cackle on in Korean about her breasts.

And then there is the utter confusion, and maybe fear, experienced by Koreans when you do the polite Western thing of holding the door open. Like if you're closest to the "open" button, you press it, let others off first, and then you get off. If there are women waiting to get on, hold the door for them, let them get on.

Some Koreans, I guess with experience in the West, "get" what you're doing after a second or two. The women always seem to smile. The ones who have not been abroad, this makes no sense in their world. I imagine they step off thinking I'm going to come right behind them and plunge AIDS infected needles into their back. That's my game. You know?

Big White Barbie said...

I am, therefore I think - I was going to ignore this because at first I didn't see how it could possibly be anything more than a troll. But maybe I was wrong, so here you go:

Just as I don't treat my friends like I treat my students, or act over dinner with my grandmother as I would at a family reunion, my cyber and work personalities differ. Shocking stuff, right?

Big White Barbie said...

ZenKimchi - Which elevator goes the fastest?! The one on the left, or the one on the right? I've always wanted to know. They can't possibly move at the same speed!

Big White Barbie said...

Roboseyo - I suspect that you're onto something there. Thanks for the link to your own blog post on the matter.


Karl - Perhaps "highest tard count" should be an award?

The unloading/loading simultaneously matteris another load of absurd that I haven't touched yet. I've gotten so used to shoving people around that it's actually sort of fun now.

I am, therefore I think. said...

Mrs. Kim,

Just because one doesn't find something quite as entertaining as you do, you instantly label that person stupid? It must be pretty easy for you to navigate through life when you see everything in black and white. Tsk, tsk.

I am, therefore I think. said...

Mrs. Kim,

Unless you are a complete schizophrenic, your thoughts more often than not dictate your words and behavior — in private or in real life. You don't have to be a psychologist to have figured this out by now. Yes, you might be able to mask it from time to time, but the charade doesn't last long, and others soon see through you and feel your vibes.

Am I getting through you, McFly?

I am, therefore I think. said...

Barbie,

No, I'm not a troll. It's kind of hard to convey the tone over the Internet, but I posted my comments mostly out of curiosty, having read a few other blogs from some very unhappy English teachers living/teaching in Korea.

I understand that Korea is not everyone's cup of tea, so I'm sure that some people are miserable living in Korea. I just couldn't grasp how such misery would not affect their teaching performance. If you say that you're different because your cyber and work personalities differ, then kudos to you, because it wouldn't be fair to your students otherwise.

Regards.

Big White Barbie said...

You seem to have made the assumption that because I find Korea to be rather miserable that I, myself, am miserable. While this is understandable, it's incorrect.

Anonymous said...

What else can a person do to get off a BO-filled elevator with you? They're probably worried that your fatness will cause the elevator to snap, fall and kill everyone. Then, god forbid if you actually start talking to them. Because I'm sure it's so wonderful listening to you judging by the positivity on your blog. And you hate Koreans. Racist. If I was a weeaboo and in Pusan, I'd go on that elevator and break your knee like you were Nancy Kerrigan. A non-failed figure skater. ROR.

Thomas said...

I don't blame the average expat female for being so cynical and snotty. They have every reason to be in this place. Most of their male counterparts are giant douche nozzles, too busy swooning after the Korean girls to notice all of the Big White Barbie's such as this one. I have a theory. Big White Barbie just needs to get laid. She'd be having a (slightly) better time here.

Anonymous said...

Thomas: I agree, the blog update could be a more enjoyable read.

Big White Barbie said...

Deep theory, Thomas. Like all other expat females, I just need a good fuck. Also, I could probably afford to lose some weight and stop being so damn opinionated.

Being a stereotype is exhausting.

Anonymous said...

Is that Thomas offering up his services? Sweet!

Thomas said...

On the contrary, Barbie. I'm sure your weight is perfectly fine as it is, as I'm quite sick of seeing the standard being lowered to accommodate the "anorexic-thin" Korean girls that obsess that an extra inch or two on the waist line will make them undesirable. It was a sincere remark, on my part. You are completely justified in your cynicism, and perhaps you just want to get laid from time to time. Sexual frustration can be quite a thing to deal with (I'm just guessing, really). How can anyone expect you to be anything but stuck up? Or most of the expat females that are here, for that matter. You're constantly surrounded by douche bags who come here and have it implanted in their brains that Korean girls are the new "standard" for what is beautiful. I don't have anything against the things you're saying in your blogs. I just think that if you managed to get laid once in a while, it would certainly start to show in your posts. Here's hoping that works out for you!

Anonymous said...

Karl, admit it, you have a Barbie crush. It's cute the way you swoop to her rescue when the "tards" comment. Get a room, you two.